Psychoeducation · Trauma responses
Why do I feel like I don't know who I am anymore?
You might think…
“I wasn't like this before.”
“I don't know what's left of me.”
A closer look
Long-term abuse can change how you see yourself, your relationships, and the world. It may change who and what you trust, what feels safe, and the future you can imagine for yourself. You may miss who you were before the abuse, along with the chances and possibilities you lost.
What matters
After years of abuse, you may grieve more than the relationship or the years you lost. You may also grieve the way you used to see yourself and the world. Maybe you miss how easily you used to trust people, or what life felt like before you had to be afraid so often.
It can hurt even more when other people expect you to just move on, while you're still trying to understand how you've changed and how to rebuild your life.
You don't have to find a positive lesson in what happened. Maybe all you can feel right now is what you've lost. That doesn't mean your life can't change again.
Over time, you may find out what matters to you now, become more confident about standing up for yourself, or build relationships where you feel safe. Researchers call positive changes like these post-traumatic growth.
Not everyone experiences these changes, and they don't make the abuse worthwhile. But what happened doesn't have to decide how you see yourself or your future forever.
A reminder
I can grieve who I used to be and the life I thought I'd have.
The abuse changed a lot in my life, but it didn't make me any less of a person. I'm not responsible for what happened.