Psychoeducation · Trauma reactions
Why do I blame myself? (self-blame and control)
You may blame yourself because you want to understand how it happened.
Self-blame can feel real. It still doesn't mean you're responsible for what was done to you.
What is it?
Self-blame may bring thoughts like 'Why didn't I leave?' or 'Why didn't I do something else?' Shame and other people's blaming comments may make these thoughts stronger.
How can it happen?
Thinking you did something wrong can make it seem as if you could have prevented the abuse by acting differently. This may make an experience feel more predictable, even if you had little or no real control.
Supportive words
I wasn't responsible for the abuse.
I may blame myself, but that doesn't mean I was responsible.
What it does not mean
Feeling responsible does not make someone responsible. The perpetrator is responsible for the abuse.
What it might feel like
“Why did I go back?” “I must have provoked it.” “If I had acted differently, it would not have happened.”
Background and sources
Research has looked at how self-blame and feelings of control are linked after trauma.
These sources relate to the topic. The explanation is independently edited educational content, not a clinically tested intervention.