Psychoeducation · Trauma responses
Why do I talk to myself the way they talked to me?
You might think…
“I messed up again.”
“Maybe I really am impossible to love.”
“I'm probably too sensitive.”
A closer look
If you keep hearing that you're worthless, that you always get things wrong, or that you're ridiculous, those insults may become part of how you think about yourself. You may start talking to yourself the way they talked to you, even when they're no longer around.
What matters
Maybe one small mistake or someone saying no to you suddenly brings back their old words. It's almost as if you're hearing their insults in your own voice.
But hearing something over and over didn't make it true.
A reminder
Even if their insults sound like my own thoughts now, that doesn't make them true.
Their words don't decide what I'm worth.
Sources and research (4)
- Choudhury, Martland & Luzon (2025) · Women’s Experiences of Coercive Control in Intimate Partner Relationships: A Qualitative Systematic Review
- NICE (2018, updated guideline) · Post-traumatic Stress Disorder, NG116
- VA National Center for PTSD · Cognitive Processing Therapy for PTSD
- Naismith, I. et al. (2024; online 2022) · Depression, Anxiety, and Posttraumatic Stress Disorder Following Intimate Partner Violence: The Role of Self-Criticism, Guilt, and Gender Beliefs