Psychoeducation · Trauma responses
Am I a bad person for being angry with them?
You might think…
“I shouldn't be this angry.”
“What if my anger makes me just like them?”
A closer look
You may feel angry because you were treated unfairly, because someone crossed your boundaries, or because you lost so much. After abuse, you might feel anger, love, sadness, or almost nothing at all. Those feelings can change over time. Maybe people told you not to be angry, to forgive them, or just to move on. It may even have been dangerous to show anger during the relationship, because the person hurting you punished you for it. Feeling angry isn't the same as hurting someone.
What matters
Maybe you spent a long time hearing that anger was dangerous, selfish, or unacceptable. This can be especially hard when the person who abused you used their own anger as an excuse to threaten or hurt you.
So now your own anger might scare you. Does that make you like them? No. There's a difference between what you feel and what you do to another person. Being angry isn't the same as humiliating, threatening, or hitting someone.
And your anger doesn't have to go away quickly. It may be about the unfairness, what you lost, or the times someone crossed your boundaries again and again.
A reminder
Feeling angry doesn't make me like the person who hurt me.
I can feel anger without hurting anyone.