Psychoeducation · Trauma responses
Why was I always checking what mood they were in?
You might think…
“I could tell what kind of day it would be just from their footsteps.”
“I hope they aren't angry today.”
A closer look
If someone threatens or hurts you without warning, you may start watching their face, voice, and movements very closely. Even small changes can seem like clues about whether something bad is coming. Keeping watch like that can take a lot out of you. And later, it can be hard to get used to the idea that tension doesn't always lead to someone hurting you.
What matters
When your whole day depended on their mood, even their footsteps, a sigh, or the sound of a door opening could seem important. Maybe you tensed up before anything happened because those small signs had been followed by threats or abuse before.
Being on guard all the time is exhausting. You may have spent so much energy trying to spot danger that you had little left for yourself or the things you wanted to do. And if they still hurt you despite all that watching, you might even blame yourself for missing a sign.
But no matter how carefully you watched for danger, you couldn't control what they chose to do.
A reminder
I watched their mood so closely because I was scared of what might happen next.
I wasn't responsible for their threats or violence.