Psychoeducation · Trauma responses
Why did it hurt so much when they didn't believe me?
You might think…
“I had to defend myself to them too.”
“What if I really am remembering it wrong?”
A closer look
When someone doesn't believe you, blames you, or shuts you down, it can cause more pain and self-doubt. This kind of hurt is sometimes called secondary victimization. Research shows that being disbelieved or blamed by others can make an already painful experience even harder.
What matters
When you tell someone about the abuse, you may hope they'll at least listen. It can be painful when they question your memories, blame you, or ask why you didn't leave sooner or fight back.
Then you're not only dealing with the abuse itself. Instead of getting help, you have to explain and defend yourself again. If it's a family member, professional, or organization that questions your story, it may bring back the self-doubt you were already carrying.
After that, trusting anyone or talking about what happened again may feel even harder. Someone not believing you doesn't change what you lived through. Their disbelief doesn't make you responsible for the abuse.
A reminder
When I told someone, I needed them to listen, not blame me again.
Someone not believing me doesn't change what happened.