Psychoeducation · Trauma responses
Why did I keep believing they'd change this time?
You might think…
“This time really seemed different.”
“They said they were sorry so many times.”
A closer look
In an abusive relationship, apologies and promises to change can bring new hope. The other person might say they regret what they did and swear it won't happen again. If the relationship matters to you, it's understandable that you'd want to believe them. But real, lasting change shows up in what someone does, not just what they promise.
What matters
When someone who's hurt you cries, apologizes, or keeps promising to change, you may hope that this time things will be different. Especially if you've been waiting for the fear to end so you can finally live in peace again.
Later, you might blame yourself: Why did I believe them so many times? But you weren't the one making those promises. Maybe things even were calmer for a while, and that gave you reason to think they meant it.
Believing their promises didn't make them hurt you again. They promised to change. It was their responsibility to stop the abuse.
A reminder
It wasn't my fault that I believed their promises.
They promised to change. They were the one who hurt me again.